Fall From Grace: From Sue to Sue Slayer
by Pen of Anthromorph
Summary: Parody...sort of. When a Sue and a Stu are shown the error of their ways, they are sucked into a plot to weed all of their freakish brothers and sisters out of Mossflower, with a little help from a Stu traitor...and several Sue and Stu rejects!
1. No Longer Perfect

**Gee, it's been a while since I've written anything, never mind a Redwall fic. I'm still a little rusty, so bear with me, people!**

**This is the first time I've ever written a Sue bashing fic, so yeah, if I'm a bit off, feel free to point it out.**

**Also, this is separate from LittlePsychoWolf's story, which some of you MAY have read. If you haven't, read that one first, and ignore this bit of crud I've been playing with. Believe me, she's better at writing…But if you still insist upon reading this, be my guest. **

**Consider the setting in a Sue version of Mossflower.**

**Also, don't own Redwall.**

**-**

Mossflower had been a place of heroes, heroines, legends, and mystery.

I say had been because it's not that kind of place anymore.

No, a golden aura hung over everything in the forest. Every tree, leaf, flower and stinky mushroom gave off a faint golden glow only detectable at night. But there was one place where the glow was always, visible, night and day.

That's right, Redwall.

The old abbey had once been a noble place, one of caring, healing, and farming. But now, there was that sickly golden aura messing with it and everything dwelling within its walls. The illusion of eternal summer was obvious and maddening.

The old residents had long since fled from its once protective walls, and the new residents had moved in almost as soon as the old ones had fled. They were the cause of the aura radiating from the place.

-

Sashblade Hawktalon opened his yellow-gold eyes. He'd been napping under an apple tree after his daily grooming session. His silky cream colored fur glimmered in the sun, and his trademark object, a jade colored silk sash, was wrapped around his waist. His claws, sharpened to the point they could cut through solid stone, dug into the ground as he pulled himself into a sitting position. He smiled at the apples above him, reveling perfect white fangs. The male wasn't a full blown Stu yet, but he was getting there. He just needed a little more time.

The young otter's stomach grumbled. Patting it, he stopped. There was that odd sensation again.

Hunger.

Stus like himself rarely felt the need to eat, seeing as how their superior build made them able to survive for months at a time without the need for food and drink. But lately, he'd been feeling hungrier and hungrier with each passing day. Was there something wrong with him?

His thoughts were interrupted by a lovely, almost siren like voice. "Brother! There you are."

Ears twitching, Sashblade looked up at the trim form of his sister, Syrenia Larksong, gliding towards him. His twin sister bore the same fur as him, but had sparkling, aqua colored eyes and a red sash draped artistically over her shoulders. Being a Demi Sue, her beauty was not unmatched, but she still attracted quite a bit of attention from the Stus.

"Oh, hello sister. What are you doing out here?" He asked, still somewhat sleepy.

"Well, Dirge wants us to be on the evening patrol, y'know, to make sure no filthy commoners find our lovely base and touch everything with their dirty little paws." Syrenia giggled. Her laugh sounded akin to a stream bubbling through a forest glade.

"Why doesn't he send someone faster than us? Everyone knows Windpaw's been angling for the position of Head of the Guard and he's the fastest thing on two and four paws," Sashblade complained. "Besides, I haven't eaten anything today."

His sister gave him a concerned look. "You're hungry AGAIN? That's four days in a row! I have half a mind to report you to the head Medic. Mark my words, brother, you keep this up and you'll become fat and unsightly. Then we'll have to kick you out of the base so you can live with the other commoners."

"So what? They aren't bad folk."

"Don't speak of such things!" Syrenia scoffed. "They're trash, we're royalty! That's the Unwritten Law!"

"Hey, you two!" The pair looked to see a very irate wolverine stomping towards them. His fur was jet black with streaks of grey, which set off his pink eyes, a sign of his eternal Bloodwrath. His claws and fangs were like knives, each one honed to perfection. "I though I told you two to get on the evening patrol! It's almost sundown, and you two pansies are still hanging around! Get yer tails out there!"

Despite the fact that Syrenia and Sashblade were skilled warriors, they knew better than to pick a fight with Dirge, even if he was a Demi-stu.

-

Night was falling on Mossflower, but the foliage still glowed with a faint golden light, lighting the path for the two young creatures.

While Sash, as his friends called him, preferred fighting with knife, sword and paw, his sister combined her archery and magic skills to become a lethal threat to far away enemies. She was even on the verge of creating a homing arrow, which followed the target to the ends of the Earth.

"Wow, isn't it beautiful, Sash?" Syrenia asked. "No wonder everyone with a boy or girlfriend wants to serve on the Evening patrol."

Sash nodded half heartedly. He really didn't care for the beauty surrounding him right now…there were other things on his mind.

Syrenia frowned. She could tell, something was bothering her twin, thanks to their telepathic connection.

"Brother?"

"What?"

"Something wrong?"

"Well…"

Before he could say anything, a faint rustling caught their attention. Drawing his daggers, Sash's night vision activated. Scanning the area, he couldn't detect anything overly suspicious, but he still had a gut feeling that something bad was about to happen.

"Is it just a false alarm?" Syrenia asked, lowering her bow.

Suddenly, a blur of copper struck out from the tall grass. The two managed to dodge, but not without seeing who or what their assailant was.

'A serpent?' Sash asked himself. It wasn't any snake the two young otters had ever seen before. Its scales glowed a dull copper in the faint light. Its mouth was open slightly, reveling dagger like fangs. All in all, it looked like an unremarkable snake, but there was something about it that make Sash quiver inside, which was a new feeling for him.

The snake gave a low hiss, its unblinking emerald green eyes staring at the two. It then hissed in a low voice, "A Ssssue and a Ssstu. How tasssty. I was getting a little hungry."

"You can talk?!" Syrenia asked, bow raised threateningly.

"Of courssse I can talk," the snake replied irritably. "Now, if you two will hold ssstill, I can finish thisss quickly. You won't feel a thing, promissse."

"Over my dead body!" Sash snarled, leaping up to engage the serpent. Daggers at the ready, he dove gracefully, daggers ready to pierce the creature's skull.

SNAP.

The daggers broke on contact with the bronze scales. The two otters gasped.

Sue and Stu weapons never broke. NEVER.

A long, whip like tail flicked and smashed into the twins. "I told you idiotsss to hold ssstill!" The snake growled.

"What are you?" Syrenia demanded, unfazed by the attack.

"I'll ssshow you!" Rearing, it sank its fangs into Sash's shoulder, then into Syrenia's. Neither flinched or cried out in pain at the bite.

"Is that all you got?" Sash yelled, leaping up…and promptly falling flat on his face. "Ow…"

"Brother!" His sister darted towards him…and tripped over her own paws, landing face first in a puddle of mud.

The serpent gave a raspy laugh. "Now, aren't you two unremarkable?"

Groaning, the male otter pulled his head up. "W-what did you do?!" He demanded weakly.

"See for yourself." The snake replied.

Looking himself over, he soon realized that his lovely cream fur was coated in a mud colored substance. Giving a cry of shock, he dove into a conveniently placed pool of water. He scrubbed himself furiously, but the brown stuff wasn't coming off.

"That's not mud, you idiot," The otter looked up to see the serpent coiled up next to the pool. "That's your new fur color."

It took a couple of seconds for that last sentence to register, before Sash realized what he had said.

"WHAT?!" He yelled in disbelief.

The snake simpered at his rage. "You think that's bad! Look at your reflection in the water."

The otter climbed out, and stared at his reflection. Gone were his yellow-gold eyes, his lovely white fangs, his sharp claws.

His eyes were now the color of mud, his teeth still intact but minus the fangs, and his claws were dull and blunt.

"I'm…I'm…" Sash stuttered

"Not a stu anymore? Thank goodness for that," The serpent replied. "Now, we can begin the Recession from Studom."

"Recession from Studom?!"

"Is there an echo out here? Yes, that's what I said, twerp. Now get your sister out of the mud before she drowns or something."

Still glaring at the serpent, Sash strode over to his sister, hauling her upright. "Syrenia…Sis, wake up!" He growled, shaking her.

The female otter's eyes fluttered opened. "W-what happened? Why is my fur covered in mud?" she looked up at her brother "And who the heck are you?"

"Sis, it's me, Sash. Listen, Syrenia, I hate to break it to you, but, uh, that's not mud on your fur," Sash said hesitantly. He really hoped his sister could take the news. "That's your new fur color."

Silence.

"W-WHAT?!" She screeched, trying to brush the brown stuff off furiously. "It-it can't be! It just can't!"

"Well, guess what, sweetie?" The snake hissed irritably. "It's not a dream, it's real! Now keep it down or I'll smack you into oblivion."

"How can I calm down?!" Syrenia wailed. "I'm…I'M NORMAL! Mediocre! Plain as yogurt! Unimpressive!" She continued to wail.

"Hmm…She's retained some of her Sue attitude…I'll have to make note of that in the future. But I digress…" The serpent swung it's head to the wailing former Sue. "HEY! Stop that wailing already!"

"Who are you, anyway?" Sash asked. "And what happened to your lisp?"

"The name's Normality, and the lisp? Just an act. Now, unless you want to be banished from Mossflower, you'll follow me."

"W-why should we?" Syrenia demanded, still teary eyed.

"Because your wailing has attracted the attention of the Sues and Stus back at Redwall, and they're sending a patrol right now. I can hear them getting closer." Normality replied, heading back into the undergrowth.

The otters exchanged a glance. Running after him, Sash asked, "How the hell do you know that?"

"Isn't it fairly obvious?" The snake replied, allowing them to catch up. "I'm a full blown Stu myself. How else would I be able to hide from your night vision and hear the patrol coming from leagues away? But that's neither here nor there. Come on, they'll catch up to us if we don't hurry!"

The two figured it was best not to argue with him at this time.

-

After running for at least an hour, they stopped at a large cliff side with a large waterfall cascading down from one side. Sash and Syrenia were dead tired from running. Flopping down on their tails, the cooled their paws in the pool at the base of the cliff.

"Oops, I keep forgetting that you two don't have your freakishly good endurance anymore. My bad." Normality said apologetically. "Anyway, the Base is only a little father along. You two can rest here for a few minutes if you want."

"Hey, Normality," Sash piped up. "Why did you ask us to come with you? We could have stayed and told the others about you."

"Why did you agree to come with me?" Normality asked. "As for your friends, would they have listened to you? You two are commoners now, and they would have disregarded anything you'd have said."

The male otter's face fell. He hadn't thought about that…

"Oh, and before we get to the base, you two, there is something you must know…" Nomality said, slithering up to them. "But it requires you to think to understand it. Now that you are commoners, you are free of that golden haze that clouded your mind. Now, you can think freely."

"Couldn't we do that before?" Syrenia asked in an annoyed voice.

"That kind of thought is an illusion, now shut up and pay attention!" Normality snapped. "Now, out of all the Sues and Stus you've ever seen, what type of animal have you NEVER seen as a Sue or Stu?"

Sash looked pensive, and then replied, "I don't know. I've spent all my life as a Stu and never really seen a beast that wasn't a Stu or Sue…"

"Well, you've obviously never heard of a hedgehog or a mole…or even a shrew the, correct?" The two shook their heads, puzzled.

"Well, no one knows why these creatures aren't affected by a Sue's Golden aura, but they just aren't. That being said, they've set up a literally underground network devoted to the downfall of the Sues."

**-**

**Urk. If you read this far, I hope you enjoy this story, because there's more where that came from. There will be more, even if I don't get reviews.**

**Also, yes, I've noticed the distinct lack of moles, hedgehog and shrew Sues or Stus. Hares too, but their more likely to become a Sue or Stu. If anyone has a Sue or Stu OC that's a mole, hedgehog or shrew, please let me know. I've never actually seen one before, and I'd like to see one.**


	2. The Base and Syrenia's attitude

**YAY! I got reviewed, which makes me happy! Alright, now I can type more.**

**In the last chap, our former Sue and Stu, Sash and Syrenia, have turned into normal, everyday otters. What now?**

**-**

"Would you slow down? You dumb snake, you slither too fast!"

Normality suppressed the urge to yell at the former Sue, though a distinct vein was present across his forehead. "Well, excuuuuuse me, princess…" he snarled under his breath.

-

After much walking and slithering, they finally reached an enormous waterfall, similar to the one they had seen before. The sun's rays glinted off the water, turning it a beautiful gold color.

"Let me guess…" Sash commented. "The entrance to the Base is behind the waterfall, right?"

"Nope," Normality nudged aside some vegetation near the path. "It's down here. Behind the waterfall is too flippin' obvious and everyone KNOWS moles can't swim."

Syrenia stared down the hole in the dirt. "Ick! I'm not going down there!" She squealed in a protesting voice. "It's dark and dirty and-EEP!" One quick shove from Sash sent her plummeting down the hole like a rock.

"She may be my twin, but she's starting to annoy me." Sash grumbled.

"That's a good thing. You're behaving less like a Stu and more like a real otter," Normality hissed in a pleased voice. "Now, you go next. I'll make sure we weren't followed."

Taking a deep breath, as though he was about to jump into the ocean, he leapt down the hole.

-

It felt as though some large, toothy creature had swallowed him whole and he was now traveling down its throat. Finally, he landed on something soft, but, in his opinion, rather lumpy.

"GET OFF OF ME! Ruddy otters…" The lump grumbled.

Sash promptly hopped off the thing, and then knelt beside it. "I'm sorry I landed on you! Are you ok?" He asked.

"Eh. I've had worse injuries." The creature replied, sitting up. The 'lump' had a long snout, sort of like a rat's or a mouse's, with scraggly, patchy, grey fur. Its beady, black eyes looked at him through the dim light, still clearly peeved at him. " 'Ey, I haven't seen you around here. You new here?" It asked.

"Um…Yes?" Sash replied, still slightly repulsed by this creature's appearance.

"Whatcha starin' at?" It asked again, and then it chuckled. "Oh, you're just mesmerized by my dashing good looks, aren't you?"

"Uhhhh…" Sash wasn't quite sure how to answer that.

"Pay no heed to that narcissistic shrew, kid," Came a voice from above. The copper snake slithered down from the tunnel. "He's convinced the Sues will fall for him the second they lay eyes on him."

" Aw, you know it's true, you ruddy snake!" The shrew laughed, posing heroically like a Stu would. Sash could feel his eyes beginning to burn.

"Ok, Garhx, that's just gross." Normality growled. "You know I can't close my eyes, and yet you insist upon making them bleed."

"Jealous much?" He replied haughtily.

"Not in a million years, you bloody shrew."

"Ah, the power of denial…" The shrew shrugged and turned to Sash. "So, you got a name, young'n?"

"Uh, Sashblade Hawktalon. Pleasure to meet you." He replied, earning him a smack from Normality's tail. "Ow! What was that for?"

"Your full name means nothing here, Sash," The snake snarled. "That was your Stu name. From now on, you'll be known as Sash, nothing else."

Garhx looked pensive. "Ah, you were a Stu, weren't you?" He asked, and then smiled, looking up at the serpent, "Ah, but Normy here set you straight, am I right?"

"Uh, I guess…" Sash replied.

The shrew bowed. "Name's Garhx, son of the Shrewchief Halux. Pleased as punch to meetcha."

Normality cut in, "Enough with the formalities, you two. Garhx, have you seen a snooty ottermaid running around here?" But his question was quickly answered, as a loud shriek resounded from deep within the tunnels.

Syrenia came dashing from who knows where, clinging to Sash and screaming enough to bust his eardrums. "SASH! M-monsters! They were covered in dirt and who knows what! It was sooo gross! SAVE ME!"

A mud ball came rolling after the distraught otter. "Geez, miss, what's got you worked up?" It asked, and uncurled itself, reveling a stubby creature with a large mass of mud stuck to its back. "I was just trying to say hello…"

"YEEK! Get away!" She wailed, jumping behind Normality, who swatted her away with his tail. "Owie!"

"Can't you shut up for two seconds?!" Normality snarled. "At this rate, the tunnels will collapse thanks to you, toad mouth!"

"H-hey! That's not nice!" Syrenia replied in her protesting voice.

"Yes, well, when am I EVER nice?"

"It's true, y'know," The mud creature piped up. "He's never really nice."

"Shut up, Rolag, I wasn't talking to you! Oh, and get all that mud off your spikes! It'll harden, and take all of them with it." Normality growled.

Shaking most of the mud off, the creature revealed jagged looking spikes on its back. "Hey, when you're helping the moles with their linguistic problem, you're bound to get dirty at some point…" He replied in an oddly cheerful voice, then frowned. "Oops, sorry guys. Did I hit you with all that mud?"

'Hit' was a bit of an understatement. Everyone was now liberally coating in mud, except for Syrenia, who'd ducked behind Normality in the nick of time.

Garhx, who'd been mesmerized by the appearance of Syrenia, had been snapped out of his stupor by the large quantity of mud. "Yargh! Rolag, you klutz! Now I need another bath!" He yowled.

"Well, I wasn't staring at that nice otter lady like a slack jawed idiot, now was I?" retorted the hedgehog, spikes bristling.

"Spiketail!"

"Stu wannabe!"

"Enough!" Nomality snarled, separating the two with his tail. "Now, you two, please show Sash to his room, please. I need to have a word with his sister." The snake glared at Syrenia, who gave a loud "EEP".

-

As the two creatures escorted the young otter to his new room, Sash saw several female otters look at him as he passed their rooms, waving and fluttering their eyelashes at him. "Don't pay any attention to them," The hedgehog said, keeping his gaze averted. "They're just former Sues who can't help but flirt with other otters, former Stu or not. Just stick with Garhx, and they'll stay away from you."

The shrew in question waved and blew kisses back at the female otters, who grimaced and ducked out of sight, clearly disgusted.

-

"Here we are! I'm sure it's not what you're used to, but it'll suffice."

The room consisted of a neat bed, a desk with a lantern on it, and a small chest in which the occupant could store their things in. Other than that, the room was rather barren.

"It's ok. I like this room better than my old one," Sash replied. "I just kinda wish I had a few spare clothes and stuff." Indeed, the young otter's forest green tunic was now tattered from his long trek up to the Base.

"Oh, I'm sure some of the former Sues will bring you some from the laundry area. They're really nice ladies without the golden aura around them, y'know," Rolag said, nodding. "Besides, I think several will have crushes on you already, anyway."

Sash heard Garhx grumble, 'Lucky…'

"Alright, our rooms are a few doors down, so don't hesitate to ask if you need anything. Lunch will be served when the gong sounds, so try to hurry and get the first portions and the best seats. See you then!" The two walked out of Sash's room, leaving him alone with his thoughts.

-

Back in Mossflower, the patrol that Normality had sensed had returned to Redwall with only two things to show for their effort: Sash's green sash and Syrenia's red sash.

Windpaw Lightblade, the dashing Second in Command and descendent of the High Rhulain, Queen of Otters, was not pleased. His tawny fur, speckled with black splotches, glimmered in the light of the torches, as his light as air foot paws hit the stone with nary a sound. His blue grey eyes were always darting around, examining everything important and remembering it for later. His golden daggers, created from the same material as the standard twelve foot long golden swords and ornate golden staffs, glistened in their clear as glass sheathes.

Entering what was formerly known as the Great Hall, he gazed at all the lovely tapestries hanging around on the walls, the jewels strewn about like children's playthings, the dazzling weapons on pedestals placed artistically around the room…and then his eyes fell on the one thing that had remained unchanged since they had gotten here.

The sword of Martin the warrior and the legendary tapestry had remained untouched. Many a Stu had tried to remove it, only to have their paws blistered by what they described as 'a pain with the intensity of an inferno and an iceberg at the same time.' Surely, they could withstand such damage? Sighing, his eyes fell on their leader, who'd been lying on a cushy, swandown stuffed couch, watching a black box that hung on the wall next to the legendary tapestry. The pictures on the box were moving, and sounds were coming out of it.

Their leader was a fox, with fur that was stone grey, streaked with several shades of gold like a sunlit statue, descended from the Marlfox bloodline, her cunning grey eyes glued onto the box, watching the pictures intently. She wore a silk dress of navy blue, which swirled gracefully around her like mist, complete with a cape of the same color draped around her shoulders. Her staff, which channeled her magic, stood in its holder, ready to serve her well.

"Yes, Windpaw?" She asked her voice like a chime in the night. "I sense you have something to tell me, correct?"

"Correct as per usual, madam Rosalinia," He replied, bowing. "We have reason to believe that two young otters have been kidnapped. All we found were their sashes, and Dirge tells me they were out on the evening patrol before they disappeared."

"Again? My goodness, that's the fourth time this month alone!" She cried, looking away from the picture box. "Something MUST be done about this!"

"But what, Ma'am? We've tried the Watcher Birds, the traps, the Trackers, everything! It's as though these young ones are disappearing into thin air!"

"Hmmm…looks like I'll have to do this myself…" She murmured.

"Ma'am?"

"Inform Dirge I will be serving on the evening patrol until the culprit is caught. That's an order!"

"But Ma'am, that's too dangerous!" Windpaw protested.

She laughed. "Oh, Windpaw, I knew you had a crush on me. Don't you worry; you can come with me if you wish. Now, go inform Dirge of my orders, you're making me miss my shows." She dismissed the blushing otter with a wave of her paw.

-

**Yeah, I DID add a TV in there. Sue technology is amazing, no?**

**Also, the way some words are spelled…That's how they talk, ok? Some people don't seem to get that. It's misspelled on purpose! **

**Last thing: Yes, I did make it so the Sues and Stus can't touch the tapestry or Martin's sword. I believe those things have too much canon in them to ever be claimed by them.**

**Why the old residents didn't take the sword and tapestry with them, I'll never know.**


	3. Lunch and the Sue Recon Squad

**Ah, the power of inspiration. It does wonders on a motivated person.**

**Last time, Sash and Syrenia are accepted into the Base, where they meet Rolag and Garhx, two of the members. Who else are they going to meet? And does Normality, being a Stu, have a horrid past he's ready to reveal? (Let's hope it's not over the top, now…)**

**-**

Lunch was a chaotic affair in the Base.

Sash was hard pressed to actually get anything to eat, due to the long line of hedgehogs, shrews, and fluffy, pointy snouted creatures that Garhx called 'moles'. Their language was quite curious, seemingly composed of their own language and the everyday one everyone else used. They often squabbled amongst each other, arguing who was in front of whom, what they had dibs on, and the meaning and spelling of words like 'flamboyant' and 'antidisestablishmentarianism". However, whenever they were all served, they all cheered and trooped into the dining hall, where they commenced to fight and argue with the shrews over seating charts and lunch territories.

When Sash was finally served, he walked into the dining hall, where he ducked to avoid what appeared to be a glob of pudding that had nearly smacked him in the face. A massive food fight appeared to be happening on one side of the hall, complete with shouting and food stealing. It was the moles versus the shrews again, in a battle that would be unequaled for generations to come, for their lunch consisted of vegetable stew, rye bread, and mountains of pudding, perfect ammo for the troops to sling amongst one another.

The other side of the hall was a stark contrast to the rowdy moles, hedgehogs and shrews. Many of the former Stus and Sues sat there, eating prim and properly, never even dreaming of tossing their food around or dunking their snouts into their bowls and slurping it up like an uncouth animal.

'Big surprise,' Sash thought. 'Syrenia's already over there with some of her new friends.' Indeed the young otter maid was sitting with a group of former Sues. They were talking animatedly about their back stories, which meant nothing now, but it was still something worth listening to. Already, some of the otter maids had spotted him standing stupidly between the two sides, and they beckoned him to sit with them.

A tremor went through his spine. 'Not a chance, ladies!' he thought, darting to the rowdy side.

As he waded through the mess of stew and bodies, he spotted Garhx, arguing loudly with another otter his age.

"I'm telling you, Finn, it's pronounced, 'PO-TAH-TOE'!" The shrew yelled over the din.

"And I say 'PO-TAY-TOE', you idiot shrew!" The otter snarled back, splattering his friend's face with some cold stew he stole from a passing hedgehog.

"Why, I oughta…" Garhx growled, and then noticed a bewildered looking Sash standing waist deep in a mass of shrews, which were fighting over some floor bread soaked in stew. "Oh, hey Sash! Finn, this is my new friend, Sash. Normy brought him in this morning."

"Pleasure to meet you, mate!" The otter extended his paw, which Sash shook heartily. "Former Stu, eh? What was your obscenely long Stu name?"

"Sashblade Hawktalon, mate."

"Hmmm…Demi stu, right? My name WAS Finnsaber Talcus Piketooth, but I preferred Finn, so those snoots on the other side of the Hall kicked me out. Say, you gonna eat that bread?"

"No, go ahead." Sash tossed him the roll.

Catching it and rapping it with his knuckles, he grinned. "It's as hard as a rock. Perfect!" He then chucked it to the Sue side of the Hall, where it landed with a splatter in a bowl belonging to an otter maid Sash had seen earlier. She'd been part of the group beckoning him to sit with them.

"Music to my ears!" Finn laughed, as the Sues shrieked obscenities, trying to shake the warm, sticky stew off of them. Giving Garhx a high five, he turned casually back to Sash and said, "Saw those girls trying to put the move on you back there. I'm glad you can get over your former Stu ness like I did. Before you came along, I was the only otter over here."

"Yeah, and the reception he got was downright chilly," Garhx added, and then looked behind Sash. "Ah, there's Rolag. I was wondering where he'd gotten to. Oi, Rolag! Over here!"

The poor hedgehog was practically swimming through a mass of moles who were attempting to capture a shrew's serving of pudding. "Yes, the kitchen ran out of stew and all I could get was pudding! ARGH!" The poor hedgehog was forced to curl up, for the nearby moles had heard him say the magic word, which was 'pudding'.

"Is it always like this over here?" Sash asked Finn, as the moles fled, Rolag's needles in their paws and snouts.

"No, but you should see when we have turnovers. All I can say is bring an extra smock, if you can." Finn replied, grinning.

-

By the time lunch was over, the rowdy side of the room was splattered with stew, pudding, and who knows what else, while the Former Sue side was by far much cleaner.

"No worries about the mess, friend Sash," Rolag said as they trooped out. "Somehow, it's always perfectly spotless after everyone's left. It's mysterious, indeed."

"Sash! There you are!" The otter turned to see his sister run over to him. She looked excessively peeved.

"Oh, Syrenia, there you are." He said, but she held up a paw for silence.

"That…that SERPENT!" she snarled. "He said I have to either have to change my name completely, or shorten my current name!"

"So?"

"SO?! I can't change my name!"

"Then shorten your current one, sweetie. Easy as pie." Finn, who'd been listening in, added.

"Hey, stay out of this, buddy!" Syrenia snarled, shoving him aside.

"Oh, tough, aren't you?" He sneered teasingly.

"Hey, Finn, this is my sister, Syrenia. Syrenia, this is Finn." Sash said, looking nervously at his pissed off sister, who in turn was glaring at Finn with considerable hatred in her eyes.

"Ugh! You males are so insensitive!" She snarled, stomping off.

"Yeah, my hearing's not so sensitive anymore, thanks to your loud mouth, missy!" Finn yelled to her retreating form coolly.

-

Dusk was falling on Mossflower, and the glow from the surrounding foliage was already getting brighter.

Lady Rosalinia had changed from her flowing dress to a hunter's robe, her staff in paw. Windpaw followed her, keeping a considerable distance. That crazy fox could be as delusional as she wanted to be, he didn't have a crush on her! But he made sure he wasn't thinking that, because she had telepathy, and she was known to use it without warning.

"Where did you find the sashes, Windpaw?" She asked, her bushy tail twitching with excitement.

"Er, it was somewhere around here." He said, darting off. As fast as he was, however, Rosalinia kept up with him easily.

When the pair reached the clearing where Windpaw had found the sashes, they stopped, and the vixen sniffed the air. Shifting the dirt with her paw, she picked up a dusty copper scale, which was the size of her paw. Examining it closely, her eyes narrowed. "I should have known. It looks like he wasn't completely destroyed after all."

"What'd you find?" Windpaw asked, looking at the scale.

"Nothing, just proof that one of my old friends is still very much alive and well," Rosalinia tucked the scale inside a pouch attached to her silver, gem studded belt. "We need to get back, and we can't tell ANYONE about this just yet, are we clear, Windpaw?"

"Y-yes, ma'am!" He replied, saluting.

"Good."

-

Normality was coiled in his personal study, reading an old, dog-eared hardcover book, when a knock came from the door. "Enter." The snake said, not looking up from his book.

Syrenia came in, considerably more calm than before, but still sullen. "I've decided to shorten my name…" She stated sadly.

"Please, do tell." Normality replied, looking up from the pages.

"I'm…I'm shortening it to Syren." She grumbled and winced at the sound of her new name. "There. I just gave up my heart, soul, and identity to you. Happy now, you bloody snake?"

"Hmmm…No." Normality said, returning to his book. "Before you scream your bloody head off, you, shut yer trap and listen: If you aren't willing to shorten your name there's no point in doing so. You can keep your old name if you wish."

"But…WHY DID YOU TELL TO CHANGE IT, THEN?!" She yelled.

"I tell that to all the new arrivals," Normality replied. "Few actually make the change willingly, like your brother and his new friend, but most are too attached to their names. After all, since they're no longer Sues and Stus, it's all they have left. They'll be subjected to some immunity boosters soon enough, anyway."

"Immunity boosters? What are those?" Syrenia asked.

"You'll see…you'll see." He replied distractedly.

"Hey, stop reading while we're talking! That's rude!" Syrenia huffed, stomping over to get a better look at the book. "What are you reading anyway?"

"Our Sue and Stu Recognition Guide. It needs to be updated." Normality replied. "Hmmm…That gives me an idea, but I need to be able to trust you…"

"Trust me to do what?"

"How about this: I put you in the Sue Recon Squad, and you promise not to go back to your Sueish ways?"

"What's the Sue Recon Squad?" Syrenia asked, intrigued.

"Basically, I make you look and give you powers like a Sue again, but you're actually spying for our organization. You'll be undetectable from any of the Sues' powers because you won't even remember you were spying for us until I give a signal. It's a program I recently started."

"Y-you mean…I can live my old live again, but not betray you or my brother?" She asked, daring not to believe it in case it was some sort of sick joke.

"Pretty much. We see what goes on through our agents' eyes without them or the Sues knowing about it, so we're covered." Normality replied, and was then tackled by Syrenia.

"Please, I wanna look like my old self again, please!" Syrenia cried, hugging the snake.

"Alright, alright! Just stop hugging me, jeez! Just meet me here after breakfast and I'll sign you up. Now get off! " Normality shrugged her off.

"THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!" She cheered happily. "You're the best!"

"Yeah, whatever just get some sleep or something…" Normality growled, returning to the book.

Once the crazy otter had left, Normality sighed. "I hope we can trust that little brat. It would be a shame to have to eliminate her if she squawks to the Sues about our location."

-

Back at Redwall, Rosalinia was looking up at the TV, but instead of a show, she looked up at the face of a handsome looking ermine. His honey colored fur was streaked with silver and across his left eye, a long scar sliced across it. His silver eyes stared down at the vixen silently. Then, he spoke in an even tone, "Alright, Rosalinia, why have you contacted me?"

"O, Your Handsomness, it would seem that our old friend is still alive and well."

"Hmmm…Really, because last time I checked, I ran through that traitor with my spear! Do you doubt my power, you ragged bit of vermin scat?"

Rosalinia winced at the harsh words. "Mightiness, it surprised me too, but I was investigating the disappearance of some of our recruits, and I found evidence that he may still be alive!" She removed the scale from her pouch, and held it up to the screen.

The ermine's expression didn't change. "That could have come from any reptile in the vicinity." He said dismissively.

"But sir! I polished it a little, and look!" Turning the scale over, she revealed that it wasn't a copper color, but a bright gold, the color of sunshine and something similar to the ermine's pelt.

The ermine's eyes widened. "No…He's still ALIVE?!"

"That's what I've been trying to tell you, sir."

"Very well, Rosalinia, I will send for more Sues in your area, but make sure, if you catch him, that he's kept alive. I want to be the one to take him down!"

"Yes sir!"

-

**Oh noes. It looks like Syrenia's dream of looking like a Sue again has finally came true, and Normality's in danger! But who's this freaky ermine, and how does he know Normality? All will be revealed when the snake Stu finally decides to tell his back story…which will most likely be next chapter.**

**See you lot then!**


	4. Back stories and Old Friends

**And now, this is the part where the Fourth Wall surrounding Mossflower collapses. Do enjoy the chaos. XD**

**Also, this chapter is for back stories, new friends, and the scent of an old friend is in the air! **

**However, I noticed something about the first Redwall. At the very end, there are animals that never seem to be placed in the series ever again, and a few woodland animals that never seem to make it in. I always wondered why that was. But then again, there were bloody HUMANS in the first one, so maybe it was for a good reason…But still…-evil smile-**

**Last time Sash met Finn, a former Stu, and Syrenia gets her wish to look like a Sue again. Rosalinia, the Sue ruler of Redwall, discovered proof of the existence of Normality and informed her superior, the soon-to-be-named ermine commander.**

**Also, there's something about KiteSkye…Take the first letter of all her names, and it spells my friend's name! Yes, my friend who doesn't have an account here asked me to put in her Sue, and I was more than happy to oblige! She's so clever…XD**

**-**

Normality slithered up one of the various openings that led down to the Base.

The war against the Sues was going well so far, but he knew there was something more he could do to prevent their world from being over run by these freaks of nature. As a Stu, he was perfectly aware of the barrier known as the Fourth Wall, and that breaking through it was one of the most grievous offenses a Sue could ever hope to commit. But he needed back up, lots of it, and there was only one way to get it.

Now was the time for him to call in favors, study the Canon Literature, find old companions, and most importantly, find the person running this fanfiction…or at least, their Redwall persona.

-

"Oh, isn't this exciting, Syrenia? We get to look like our old selves again!" A squirrel chattered, her dull gold fur shivering excitedly. She was one of Syrenia's newest friends, who'd sat with her at lunch. She'd revealed that her old name had been Kiteskye Holly Rytexi Iyce Seaspray Tallow Ashfeather, but somehow, the squirrel maid had shortened it to Kite. Although she had long since been converted from Sue to normal, she still had a pang of longing for her old station, Salamandastrom. That place had long since been ruled not by a Badgerlord, but a golden ermine by the name of…well, it was a long name, even by Stu standards, but everyone called him Kalix, lest they forget his full name, and insult him.

"I know, Kite! This is so exciting!" Syreia squealed. She was in a room packed with other Sues and Stus feeling the same way. The chatter stopped as the door opened.

A handsome ferret stepped into the room. His blue black fur glittered with flecks of white, giving it the look of snowflakes on oil. Long black headfur swept down onto his shoulders. His eyes were a dazzling blue green, like the ocean in the heat of the afternoon, and his build was lithe, but muscular. All in all, it looked as though a Stu had found his way into the Base. Many of the female animals squealed in delight, while several of the newer males leapt up to engage this intruder, but the ferret put up a paw, and they hesitantly sat back down.

"Greetings. My name is Dakus, head of the Sue Recon Squad. Now, I understand that we have a few new recruits here. Where are you? Don't be shy, raise your paws."

Syrenia, plus a few others, timidly raised their paws.

"Good, good!" Dakus said cheerfully, slapping his paws together. "Now, why don't you share your back stories with us? Who wants to go first?"

Syrenia raised her paw again. "Um, hi. I'm Syrenia Larksong. Let's see, where to start? Well, my brother and I were born on the night of a lunar eclipse, and we lived happily with our parents until we were about five seasons old, when our parents were killed by a band of roving vermin who were slavers. Yes, my brother took quite a few hits from the whip for me. They often starved us and beat us, but we managed to escape and wandered the country until we got to Redwall, where they allowed us to live until Normality found us." (Elsewhere, the writer winced at the rather run-on sentence.)

There was much applause and a few whoops from the assembled creatures.

As soon as the last new recruit had told their story, Dakus held up his paw for silence. "Alright, great stories, you lot. Now, before we inform you of your missions, I regret to inform you that Normality has gone off somewhere, so we cannot change your appearances fully until his return. However, that doesn't mean you lot can just sit here like lumps. No, not at all! My partner and I will inform you of your assignments while you are undercover. Now, who here was a former Stu or Sue from Redwall?" He smiled at the several raised paws. "Good! For those of you who aren't familiar with the layout, you'll be going to Salamandastron with my partner, Gloria." He turned as he heard the door open. "Ah, there you are, Gloria!"

A beautiful Sue vixen strode into the room. Her lavender fur glistened silver in the light. Her pawsteps would put a dancer to shame, and her luxurious forest green robe flowed behind her like paint from a brush. Crystal blue eyes sparkled as she looked at every face in the room, smiling with her pearly white fangs. Around her neck on a thing gold was the most gorgeous gold pendent in the shape of a feather, and it was detailed to the point where you could make out every little strand, if she allowed you close enough.

Many of the former Stus were drooling at the sight of her.

"I am Gloria Jay Nighthawk Rosemary Lightstep. My parents left me for dead in a stream because of my fur. They wanted no one to now (yes, it was purposely misspelled for educational purposes) that they had a freak for a daughter. I was raised by some kind squirrels, who treated me no different than their own children. However, they were killed by a roving band of common vermin, which were led by a male fox, who took me as a slave. I spent many seasons plotting my escape, but he figured it out and had me tortured many days and nights." She paused to wipe a crystalline tear from her eye. "Eventually, I couldn't take it anymore. When the guards came to torture, I somehow managed to get away and I ran, and didn't stop running until I hit Salamandastrom, the badger mountain. But there wasn't a badger lord ther. No, it was a golden ermine that greeted me and allowed me to live there, until I was shown the error of my ways by Normality." She gave a graceful bow as the assembled creatures clapped and cheered. Many of the creatures in the room were crying, the story was that beautiful.

"Now," the vixen said. "If any of you are asking 'What was the point of that story?' you may want to dismiss yourselves. You're going to hear much longer, more mind numbing ones when we're at Redwall and Salamandastrom." She looked around as no one stood up. "Alright, don't say I didn't warn you. Let's get started, the, shall we, Dakus?"

"Yes, we shall. Now, I'm sure you all, as formers Sues and Stus, had powers before you were converted. If you remember what they were, please inform us, so we can mix in the correct element in your Conversion Potion. We'll also need your old pelt color, eye color, and any markings on your former person. If you can't remember any of those things, then you are allowed to create your own identity. We expect your list before tomorrow, so you have plenty of time. You can drop it off here when you're finished. We won't be meeting again until Normality, so this meeting is adjourned."

-

The serpent slithered through the dark forest, never making a sound as his body slid across the stones and through foliage.

This was a place where many creatures, Sues and normal creatures alike, feared to tread. But Normality knew this place too well. There were many things that this forest guarded, such as the Hole in the Fourth Wall, and the Temple of Canon Stories, where the entire Redwall series was written down, available for any creature to read.

But there was no time for rereading old books. Not now, anyway.

A voice made him look up. "Well, 'pon mah word! If it isn't old Slipperyscales himself!" A hawk lighted down in front of him, the ghost of a smile on its beak. Its plumage was auburn colored with flecks of silver, and its beak was a dull gold. Silver blue eyes flashing, it asked, "So, what's new with you, old friend?"

"Stow it, Featherheart, you know I'm busy."

"Aw, can't I help you with it? It's been sooo boring here with only Stinkytail to keep me company." The bird complained.

"Tell her she's needed for the War, feather brain." Normality spat. "Now, go get her."

"Fine, fine…" The hawk flapped off, grumbling.

After a little waiting, two glowing red eyes appeared from the undergrowth. "What do you want, Normality?" A female voice snarled.

"You sound like you aren't happy to see me, old friend…" Normality hissed, and actually smiled.

"I'm not. I though I told you, I'm not a Sue Slayer…not anymore." The voice growled.

"Come now, just this once…"Normality said, in a pleading tone. "I promise, I won't bother you about this again if you do it this one last time…"

Silence, then the voice gave a harsh laugh and replied, "I'll think about it. No promises, though."

"Oh. Well, thanks anyways…" Normality turned and slithered away, looking slightly disappointed.

As the two eyes watched the snake go, the creature snorted, "Well, he's certainly grown up since the last time I saw him."

-

As the serpent made his way homeward, his Stu senses told him there was someone nearby. Yes, an adolescent mouse, regular pelt color, perhaps a harvest mouse…and armed.

"Freeze, Stu!" Normality turned to see he was right.

The mouse was defiantly the farthest thing from a Sue, for she staggered under the weight of the sword she held aloft. Her fur was a dull gold, her eyes were mud brown, and she had a red bandana wrapped around her neck. The snake could see straight through the mouse's fierce scowl and saw she was terrified of him.

"Oh, how cute. A mouse with a sword and she wants to kill me." Normality snickered, causing the mouse to scowl even more.

"Your days are numbered, you freak of nature!" She lunged at him, but he dodged and dealt a quick smack to the back of her head with his tail.

"Oh please. I can smell a novice from a mile away. Your tunic gives you away." He said, watching the mouse rub the back of her head indignantly and look down at her green tunic. "And that sword…too flimsy and I can hardly smell any garlic on it. You couldn't slay a Demi Sue with that sword!"

"What would you know about Sue Slaying, Stu?" She asked, lunging at him again, but falling flat on her face.

"Well, if you'll stop trying to kill me, if you call that 'trying to kill me', I'll tell you." Normality growled.

"If this is an excuse for you to talk about your ruddy tragic past, forget it!" The mouse retorted, dusting herself off. "I've got better things to do than to listen to your sob stories!"

"Like what prey tell?" He asked.

"I have to find my partner! He's gone and wandered off again! Stupid vole…" She growled, putting her sword down for a few seconds. "Crud this thing's heavy." She panted.

"Eh, you'll get used to it." Normality replied dismissively, and then began to slither away.

"Hey, we aren't done here!" The mouse yelled running after him, sword swinging wildly.

"You'll take your head off if you hold it like that," Normality said, not looking at the fumbling Sue Slayer. "And if you traded that sword in for a couple of daggers, dip them in garlic and get into the Agility class, you'd actually be a threat."

The mouse looked at the snake in awe. "No, really, how do you know about those things?" She asked.

"Believe it or not, I wasn't always a snake. I used to be a good-looking squirrel." Normality began, and then laughed, because the mouse maid had covered her ears. "Oh, stop. This isn't a tragic tale. Well, it is a little, but not enough to rot your brain from the inside out."

"Alright, I'm listening."

"Good. My partner, who was a mous like yourself, and I always dreamed of becoming Sue Slayers, and we started out just like you, fumbling and bumbling with our weapons, arguing and squabbling like there was no tomorrow, that sort of jazz. We destroyed precious few Sues between the two of us in the beginning, but we refused to give up, no matter how many close calls we had. Eventually, we grew resistant to Sues and Stus, and we became a real threat to Suekind. We were great warriors, yet stayed realistic. We couldn't fly, we didn't have magical powers, and we couldn't control elements…heck we had to work for an hour just to get a fire going! But we still destroyed Sues and their nests one by one."

At this point, Normality frowned. "We WERE good, but unfortunately, we were still relatively young and stubborn. At the time, we thought we could take on the Head Sue and Stu themselves. We worked for ages, begging the Head of the Slayers to let us try to take on the monsters, but he always said no. Apparently, it was far too dangerous, and that he didn't want to lose two Slayers to the likes of those freaks. But, eventually, he gave in, and we were set to go to Sampetra Isle, home of the King Stu and Queen Sue."

"What happened next?" The younger Sue Slayer asked.

"When we got there, they were waiting for us…" Normality's eyes glazed over slightly at the thought. "My partner and I agreed beforehand that we would take on the creatures the same gender as us, and that's how it went. At first, we were resisting their powers of seduction, but eventually, we made the mistake of looking over to see how the other was doing. The Queen Sue…she was too beautiful for me to resist. She was a beautiful ermine, ever changing fur and eyes, but she liked golden fur. Her fur was a thousand shades of gold and yellow and she looked like a ray of sun come down to Earth. Her armor was of the purest silver with intricate patterns no blacksmith could ever hope to copy. And those wings! She had the wings of an angel…" He shook his head in an attempt to clear it. "Ugh, but I digress, while we were stupidly distracted, the king Stu hit me with a spell in an attempt to change me into one of his minions. The same was happening to my partner. No matter what he did, I refused to become one. Enraged, he turned me into a serpent and tossed me into the ocean."

"I came to on the shores of Salamandastrom, which had been overrun with Sues as well. Horrified, I slithered into the forest, where I met up with my partner. She had had a fate worse than mine bestowed upon her, and she swore me to secrecy, that I would never tell anyone she'd turned into. After that, she ran off. I wandered alone for a while, and saw some Sues trying to convert a poor family of otters into horrifically perfect creatures. I attacked and bit the Sues, and they slowly and painfully lost their gold aura. That's when I realized that I was now what I had long fought to destroy: I was a Stu."

"Wow…that was actually a good story…" The mouse said, and then held out her paw. "My name's Media. What's yours?"

"The name's Normality. Pleasure to meet you." He replied, shaking her paw with his tail.

-

The gold ermine paced up and down the room, thinking furiously. The room was one of great beauty, with painting, statues, massive bouquets of flowers, jewels, and weaponry, but it did not help him think.

"Darling," came a melodious voice from the other side of the room, "Do try to relax. You'll give yourself wrinkles by thinking too hard."

"Dearest Queen, please forgive my rudeness, but do mind your own business." The male ermine growled. "That brat Normality is still alive somehow, but how?! I destroyed him completely and utterly!"

His mate swept a paw across his shoulders. "Darling, I'm serious. Relax. You're the most powerful warlock in the whole world. One little mistake isn't going to change that!"

" But that means I have a flaw! I can't have flaws! I'm more perfect then anybeast on this island, save for you, my dear. You managed to destroy his partner, but I didn't do my job right! Something must be done about this…"

"Well, dear, you can go to Mossflower, track him down, and end his life once and for all. Would that make you feel any better?" His mate cooed in a way that would put a nightingale to shame.

"Indeed it would."

"Splendid! I'll arrange our fastest ship to sail for Mossflower immediately, with a crew of our most dashing and gorgeous elites on board."

-

**So there you have it. Normality's back story, the plot against him, and his mysterious partner who refuses to show herself. I hope you enjoyed it! **

**I need a break. Bleh, my hands hurt.**


	5. Of Partners and Sue Weapons

**Mehehe. Alright, alright, I can't resist writing another chapter to this. I'm too inspired. **

**Anyway, last time, there were back stories, Stu kings, Sue queens, the Sue Recon Squad's first meeting, an old friend and Normality telling his story to a young Sue slayer. How could this get anymore random? Try Sash and pals in the Base Armory (sort of), the Stu and Sue Rulers making land in Mossflower in record time, and Normality's partner making up her mind!**

**-**

"I'm sooo bored." Sash groaned and flopped down on his bed. He and his new gang of pals were hanging out in his room for the afternoon, and they were bored to tears.

Or perhaps it was the onion pasties that Garhx had eaten.

Whatever made sense, they were tearful as the Pit.

"Heeey, I've got an idea!" Finn exclaimed, an evil grin on his face. "Sash, have you ever been to the Armory?"

"Now Finn," Rolag said in a warning tone, "You remember what happened last time we went there…"

"Yes, but I promise I'm not going to become a total pyromaniac again, I swear!" The otter replied, pouting. "So, you wanna go see the Armory, Sash?"

"Ok, then…" Sash replied hesitantly, but was already being dragged by Finn out the door.

Garhx and Rolag exchanged a glace, and then rushed after them.

This could not end well.

-

Meanwhile, the King Stu stood at the very top of the tallest mast, his fur billowing in the wind. He scorned pawholds, for his balance was always perfect.

He had sensed a long time ago that Salamandastrom was not far off now. The mountain was ruled by his twin brother, Apollo Swordbane Jackal Eon Tigrerus Lightpelt…that was all the King Stu could be bothered to remember for now. The two had obscenely long names, and every one of his soldiers, as perfect as they were, was hard pressed to remember their whole titles. Ah, but it was not their fault. He always forgave them if they forgot, no matter what.

Skimming down the sail, he landed with the grace of a cat before his mate, the enchanting Lady Yvanna Killrose Lily Osakri Oreil Purity Dovewing. Her prim wings were folded tightly against her body, as she nodded at her mate.

She looked out at the horizon, her silver eyes misted over in thought. The two had been through a lot together…

**(At this point, the author would like to say that it just kills her to make intentional spelling and grammar errors, but she sadly must do so. After all, the Queen Sue is going to give a ridiculously long back story, and it must be realistic to her character's Sueness!)**

As young Demi Sues, they had escaped a major purging up on the north Coast. The Sue Slayers had destroyed their forces mercilesslyThey hasd run for days on end, never once stopping until they were clear of the Slayers. Theywandered through the land, forced to beg for scraps and whatnot. Many creatures took pity on the poor youngsters, whose fur almost automatically dazzled them into a golden haze. They provided them with food shelter and clothing and in return, the two would perform for their gracious hosts. Usually it was Yvanna who sang and her mate, Jiyar Underclaw Yarrow Fellroot Daggerpaw (or Jiyar for short), did tricks with various weapons. Yvanna's singing was so pur and sweet that when she sang, all creatures within earshot would pause and listen to the siren-esque song.

After years of wandering, they soon relized they had feelings for each other and settled down in the southern kingsdoms, where they had a young cub.

**(or is it kit? What the hell is the term for a baby ermine, anyway?)**

They lived together, happy and carefree, until disaster struck.

The little family had been at a picnic in the woods, when a serpent had grabbed their son. The two had tried valiantly to reclaim their son, but to no avail. The serpent had stolen the light of their lives.

Greif-stricken, they resumed wandering, when they came across Salamandastrom, the Badger Mountain. The place had already been taken over bu Sues, and it was none other than Jiyar's long lost brother that greeted them at the front gates.

From there it had been literally smooth sailing.

After much training, the two were found worthy to be shipped off to Sampetra Ilse, the main HQ for the Sues. It used to be ruled by some freaky pine marten by the name of Ublaz, but the nasty creature was long gone.

The jewel of the sea had been restored to its former luster, the Sues.

Eventually, the two battled their way up to the top spot of King Stu and Quees Sue.

**(Bleh, I'm glad that horror fest is over…)**

-

"Alright, Sash, we're here!" Finn announced proudly.

"Uh, Finn?" Sash replied, "The door's over there. Why are we looking at a rock wall, like, five feet from the main entrance?"

"You'll see, you'll see." Swiping a paw across the rock face, the rock simply seemed to melt away at his touch, leaving a perfect doorway.

"Come on now, let's go!" Finn said, grabbing Sash's wrist and dragging him inside, the rock wall reappearing behind them.

The cave was dark at first, but as the two proceeded, a light appeared at the end of the tunnel. It grew bigger and bigger until they finally reached it.

The main cavern was illuminated by a hole in the ceiling, which in turn made the huge crystals covering the opening shine and sparkle like ice. On various shelves, there were hundreds of weapons, many too beautiful or too awe-inspiring to describe. However, they all had one thing in common: they all looked like, at one time; they had belonged to a Sue or a Stu.

"This is the Armory?" Sash asked in awe.

Finn grinned. "Naw, it's just this place I discovered when I first got here. Look, this thing is my favorite." He held up an intricately carved staff. The wood was too dark to have come from Mossflower, and it had a strange, spicy smell to it. Twirling it, he pointed it at Sash in a playful manner. "Yeah, I practiced with all of the weapons in here at some point. Sometimes, new ones are put in, so I have more stuff to play with."

Sash examined the shelves of weapons, and picked up a golden whip. Snapping it experimentally, he wondered aloud, "All this stuff looks like they belonged to Sues. I wonder how they got here."

"Dunno," Finn replied, balancing the staff on his nose. "Maybe Normality confiscated them from his victims."

"Hey, these used to be mine!" Sash peered at two golden daggers. Yes, they were just as he'd left them, but one of them had been snapped in half. They twinkled in their transparent sheaths, as though they were glad to see him. But how had they gotten here?

"Whoa, you managed to snap a Sue weapon in half?" Finn asked curiously. "What'd you do, use it to cut down trees?"

"No, I tried to bust open Normality's skull."

"Pfth, smart, Sash, really smart."

"Hey, I didn't know he was a full blown Stu at the time! Hey, look, my sister's old bow and quiver." He looked at carved wooden bow and quiver over on the opposite shelf. The quiver was still full of arrows, but the bow's string had been snapped.

"Your sister was an Archer?" Finn asked.

"Yeah, pretty much."

"I was too, but, um, Normality totaled my weapons beyond repair." Finn replied. Sash blinked. Why was he acting so nervous all of a sudden?

"There you two are!" The otters turned to see Garhx and Rolag running towards them.

"We were getting worried about you two!" Rolag said panting. Hedgehogs weren't made for running…unless they were blue.

"Yeah, you weren't in the Main Armory, and you hadn't burnt anything down, so we naturally assumed you'd duck in here." Garhx explained, looking around. "Say, are there any new weapons to play with?"

"West wall, shelf four." Finn replied, digging through a treasure chest. Pulling out a flowing silver cloak, he tied it around his neck and said in a feminine voice, "Oh, look at me! I'm the Queen Sue! Bow before my beauty, you toadstools!" He struck a girly pose, which sent his friends rolling with laughter. "Stop laughing at me!" He squeaked in a mock indignant voice. "How dare you?! I'm more beautiful than you other Sues could ever hope to be!"

"Yeeheehee, oh, forgive us, yer Majesty!" Garhx wheezed. He was out of breath after laughing so hard.

-

A young male vole was sitting on a log, munching on an apple he'd collected from a nearby tree. He went by the title of Trawl the Vole Theif, but he preferred to be addressed as Trawl. His fur was stone grey, and his eyes were a muddy brown. Frankly, he wasn't much of a looker, but when it came to stealing, he was the best."

"I wonder where Media's run off to…" He asked no one in particular. "Ah well. I'm sure she'll be fine without me for a few hours."

"Why hello there, you darling little thing!" A sweet voice chimed. The vole turned to see a silver otter maid gliding towards him. Her eyes were a lovely sapphire blue, and the thin, golden bracelets around her wrists and ankles jangled slightly as she moved with the grace of a dancer. "My, aren't you cute?"

"Beat it, Sue," Trawl growled, his paw touching his scimitar's hilt. "I don't want any trouble."

"Oh, look at your sword! It makes you look like a little warrior! Cuteness!"

Trawl frowned. How he hated everybeast telling him how bloody CUTE or ADORABLE he was. "Stop that!" He hissed.

"Stop what?"

"I'm not CUTE! I'm a fierce warrior, and some scatterbrained Sue isn't about to tell me otherwise!"

"Oh, I'm sorry! I never introduced myself, did I?" She asked.

"I. DON'T. CARE." He snarled, looking about ready to bang his head against the nearest tree.

"I'm Kali Rainforest Sunshineheart Daisy Summerbreeze, and I…" The Sue's voice trailed off. She seemed to smell something…and, by the looks of her, it was horrid. "ICK!" She squealed, her dainty paws going over her button nose. "You're stinky! Get away from me!" She ran off.

Trawl blinked. Sniffing under his arms, he could detect no stink on his person.

"Mehehe. Ah, I love it when they run in terror." A voice said.

Trawl whirled around to find two red eyes staring at him. "W-who are you?!" He asked, trying to hide his surprise.

"My name ain't important right now, kid. You're dangerously close to one of the largest Sue nests in Mossflower. That Demi sue was just a scout."

"Oh. Well, thank you fer telling me." He replied. "My name's Trawl. I'd ask your name, but I can assume you would prefer not to say?"

"Bingo. So, what are doing here, anyway?"

"Me?" Trawl asked. "Just looking for a friend."

"Cool, cool. So am I. Mind if I tag along with you?"

"Uh, ok."

The figure stepped out of the darkness, her jet black fur sliced down the middle by a snow white stripe. She wore a simple dark green tunic with a scimitar in the sheath attached to her belt. Her hazel eyes glared at the bewildered vole. "What? You look like you've never seen a skunk before." She snorted.

-

**Points fer Kelaiah fer guessing what Normality's partner turned into!**

**Anyway, I know this chapter is very short compared to the last one. But I'm kinda not at home right now, so I have to type down whatever I've got and go. I promise the next one will be longer, really! Bye bye!**


	6. Returning to How It Was Before

**Alright, I'm back! Not much to say at this point, so I'll just get on with the chapter.**

**Last time, Sash and his pals were fooling around in the Sue Armory, Trawl the Vole Thief met up with Normality's old partner, and the King Stu and Queen Sue make it to Mossflower, looking fabulous all the way. **

**Also, there be some Stu blood spilled in this chapter. Just a warning, folks. But the good news is Normality's partner finally states her name.**

**-**

"So, Normality, where's this Base you keep talking about?" The mouse maid huffed. She'd been following the snake for what seemed like ages.

"We're here, so stop frettin'." Normality slithered into the valley with the waterfall. It was in the middle of the afternoon, and the sun glinted off of the cascading water.

"Dang, your entrance sure is classy." Media commented.

"That's not the entrance," Normality explained. "Well, it is, but it's just a large facade. If you were a Sue, that waterfall would be the first thing you'd see, right?"

"Yeah…"

"Well, it's just a giant booby trap; let's just leave it at that…" Normality replied, sweatdropping. "Now come on. The real entrance is right over here."

-

The skunk sat under a tree, polishing her blade with what appeared to be mud. She didn't even notice the vole return with a sack filled of fruit, or if she did, she didn't regard him.

"Hey there, skunk maid! Lunch is served!" He called, puffing as he carried the sack.

The skunk looked up. "Ah, good..." She said simply. Placing a paw into the sack, she withdrew a few apples. Wolfing them down in a few bites, she mumbled through a mouthful of food, "Ain't the fanciest meal I've ever had, but it's still good. Got any more?"

Trawl watched in awe as she ate her way through half the sack. "I've never seen a maid eat so much at one time." He commented, grinning.

She glared at him, her cheeks bulging with mouthfuls of pears. Swallowing, she rasped, "So? You learn you need all the energy you can get if you want to be a Sue Slayer, like myself."

"You? A Sue Slayer? Please!" Trawl snorted, earning him another glare. "You're blade is covered in mud! How are you going to kill a Sue with that? Get it dirty?"

"Exactly."

"Come again?"

"Listen, you little punk, I've been in this business longer than you have, and I know by experience is that Sues HATE filth in any way, shape or form. It temporarily shuts off the Golden Aura around them so they're nothing more than a regular creature that's in no way special. Another thing: That's not mud. It's special venom given to me by an old friend. I figured I wouldn't need it until I decided to return to this ruddy place, with its Sue infestation…"

"Okaaay…How exactly does that work?"

"It's a long story. You see…" She stopped. The fur on her tail bristled. "I smell a Stu." Turning, she scanned the undergrowth.

"Alright, Stu, show yerself!" She snarled, grabbing her sword.

The Stu in question stepped into the light. It was a thin, muscular weasel. His jet black fur was sliced down the middle of his back by a blood red stripe, and his eyes were a deep gold. His features were reminiscent to that of a god, from his flowing head fur to his attire, which consisted of a tunic of blue silk with a gold sash around his waist.

Bristling, the skunk glared at his smile. "By the Fates, you're a beauty." He said in a voice that would have made any other maid melt into a puddle of squee in two seconds flat.

"Stow it, Stu. I suggest you keep walking." The skunk growled.

"Forgive my intrusion," He said, bowing. "My name is Lypherius Jarkia-Urk!" It took about two seconds for the skunk to jam her sword into the Stu's wonderfully soft snow white chest fur. He staggered backward, clutching the sword that was now stained with his crimson blood.

Pulling the sword out of his chest, she said in a sneering voice, "I told you to keep walkin'. For a Stu, your listening skills are downright awful. Just remember this, sweetheart: When you get to Hellsgates, or where ever you Stus go, tell 'em Cliché sent you."

It was clear the Stu was dying a horribly painful death, for he appeared to be melting into a puddle of goo. After a few minutes, all that was left was a ripped and bloody blue silk tunic and a small puddle of...stuff. Wiping the blood off of her sword, she turned to the now pale Trawl. "Yeah, the best time to stab 'em is when they're mouthing off, mate. Their expressions are priceless." She commented dryly.

"Y-you killed him!" He stuttered, shaking.

"I had to, idiot. That's what Sue Slayers do." She growled, picking up the ripped tunic. "Hmmm. I could sell this for a tidy profit, if I could patch it up a little and wash the blood off."

"So…your name's Cliché?" Trawl asked.

The skunk sighed. "Yes, it is. It used to be Jamie, but after that…incident, I changed it." She grinned. "My partner's name is a lot stranger. It's Normality. He used to be called Oakarrow, or some other ridiculous Stuish name, but he had to change it as well after that incident. He was a former Stu bent on destroying his own kind. He was a weirdo, but he was MY weirdo."

"What 'incident' are you talking about?" The vole asked.

"It's a long story, kid, but I guess I could tell you while we're walking." She replied, throwing the battered tunic over her shoulder. "You see, I used to be a mouse, and my partner used to be a squirrel…"

-

Meanwhile, Syrenia lingered outside the room where the Sue Recon Squad met before. Many of her comrades were there, and there was much excited chattering about Normality was back, and with a Sue Slayer in tow.

"Alright, everyone, follow us!" Dakus and Gloria called to the group, motioning for the crowd to follow them down the hall.

As the group piled into a strange room, Dakus directed their attention to the snake coiled in the center of the room. Beside him stood a young mouse maid, who looked rather strained for a reason unknown. It truth, Media really wanted to slice the Sue and Stu at the side of the room, but Normality had told her to control herself. Any Sue found roaming these halls worked for him.

"Alright, you lot, listen up!" The snake barked. "You lot are considered trustworthy enough to become your old selves again, so I want no screw ups! Prove to me that I made a good choice when I chose you for this group!"

There was a pronounced "Sir, yes Sir!" from the group.

"Good! Now, follow your assigned group leaders to the Transformation Chambers." Normality replied, clearly satisfied. "Dismissed!"

The group split up as their team leaders motioned for them to follow. Syrenia remembered how the list for the group going to Redwall had had her name on it. She was finally going home!

But that wasn't the only thing that made her super happy. No, there were tons of other otter males going with her, and, frankly, they were cute…Daukus' voice snapped her back to attention.

"Alright, everyone!" He called, "If you could turn your attention to the various chambers around you, please! You'll see they are made of glass. That is so we can monitor your condition while you have the transformation. All you lot need to do is to step inside a chamber and I'll set the controls to the description that you turned in before. You'll be looking like your old selves in no time! Any questions?"

A rat raised a paw. "Is this going to hurt?" he asked.

"No, all you'll feel is a feeling of utter bliss and contentment. It's similar to the sensation you get when a Sue changes you into one of them. Now, everyone get into a chamber, no sharing now!"

Syrenia stepped into a glass chamber and the entrance sealed itself shut. As Dakus passed the chambers, he pressed a slip of paper onto the glass. The paper stuck, and the chamber began to glow. When he reached Syrenia's chamber and pressed the paper to the glass, her chamber glowed with a golden light. Strange music filled her ears, and someone was singing in a language she couldn't understand. Soon, she felt herself mouthing the words, even if she didn't know what they meant. She closed her eyes as the world around her seemed to spin.

She found herself floating amongst stars in the sky. Around her, her comrades were floating as well, but they were experiencing transformations themselves. Their fur was changing to every color in the spectrum, and their eyes shone in the dark, as they glowed like lights in various colors. Slowly, some grew wings, while others had strange markings seemingly painted onto their bodies with an invisible brush. Syrenia saw that her fur was turning back to its old color of cream. A small mirror appeared before her, and she could see her eyes turning back to their old color of sparkling blue.

Needless to say, she was overjoyed.

Her ears detected the song in the background. It was the one that she had heard earlier in the chamber.

She still didn't understand exactly what the words meant, but she could tell the singer was welcoming the former Sues and Stus back where they belonged.

As she allowed the song to wrap around her, it stopped as suddenly as it had begun, and she found herself standing in the glass chamber, her fur restored to its former luster. The door opened for her, and she stepped out with her old, gliding stride.

Around her, her fellow Sues and Stus looked themselves over, delighted by the fact that they were back to what they considered normal. Their pelts shone in the light in every color imaginable.

"Alright, everyone! You're all dismissed! Remember, the trip is tomorrow morning at noon, so get your weapons from Normality's storehouse before then!" Dakus said to the crowd.

The group left in groups of two and three, each group chattering excitedly about going home at long last. Syrenia was walking with several female otters around her age, as they twittered at the fact that they looked like their old selves again. They had agreed to get their weapons after dinner that night, so they would be set for the trip back to Redwall.

-

Normality was coiled on the edge of the pool that the waterfall had formed, Media sitting next to him. "Uh, Normality?" Media asked. "Why the heck are we out here? It's getting late." Indeed, dusk was already starting to fall on Mossflower, and the plants were giving off a very faint glow. It was faint due to the fact that they were located very far away from Redwall and any real Sue contact.

"I have a feeling I'm going to meet an old friend out here tonight." He replied simply.

Media gave him a look, but was silent.

After a little while, a faint rustling caught Media's attention. Putting a paw on her sword hilt, she gave a laugh of relief as she saw it was a vole. But not just any vole, it was her partner, Trawl.

"There, you are, you idiot!" she cried, running up to hug him.

"I told you I'd find you!" Trawl replied. "I even brought a friend!"

Media looked over her friend's shoulder to see a slim, graceful figure standing at least two heads taller than him. The creature had jet black fur with a white stripe down her back and tail.

The creature smirked. "Cute partner, kid." She commented, and then looked at the snake slithering towards her. "Ah, Normality. Long time no see."

"Oh, shut up, Cliché, I just visited you a few days ago!" He hissed, smiled. "Nice to see you back on the team."

"It's nice to be back, my old friend. Now, when's dinner? I'm starving!"

-

**Yes, no Sash and pals in this chapter. Sorry about that. Never fear, next chapter is dedicated to Sash and pals, plus the Sues unveil their evil plot to take Mossflower forever! Will Cliché, Normality and the Sue Recon Squad be enough to fend them off or will they need to call for more back up? Find out next chapter!**


	7. Sash 'n Pals plus Rise of SnakeSue Venna

**Ah, yes, I promised Sash and Pals, so here you go! Enjoy!**

**Last time, Cliché slew an annoying Stu, Syrenia got a makeover, and Normality meets up with his old partner. Happy times, indeed.**

**-**

Sash and his pals were sitting around in Normality's private Armory, playing with weapons and pretending to be Stus again.

"My name's Hedgewick Bigfatbottom Goldenpantaloons! I'm son of the Marlfox Mokkan and a slave! My mother died to save my life, oh, woe is me!" Finn cried, dressed up in large, billowing, gold pantaloons and a forest green cloak. He held a sword made of ice, swinging it in a crazy, swaggering manner.

"Stop right there, Hedgewick!" Sash snarled, brandishing a long lance. He wore a mask studded with jewels and a gold cloak. "I'm Silverstripe Urthquill, great, great great, great, great grandson of Lord Brocktree! No mangy, blatherpaw of a scrub brush wot calls himself a fox is ever getting inta my fortress!"

"Oh, I'm not, eh?" 'Hedgewick sneered. "Jackalsnout, my loyal second in command, what say you?"

Garhx, who enjoyed playing a villain, leered evilly at 'Silverstripe'. "Haharr! Wot sez I, ye ask? I sez, dis water rat's ready to fight anybeast wot stands in his way!" The shrew wore brass earrings (looped over his stubby ears, of course) and held up a silver cutlass that had a solid gold handle studded with rubies.

"I say, old chap, not while I'm around!" Rolag stepped up beside 'Silverstripe'. "You ain't takin' Salamadastrom, not while Gurrytum the Devourer is still alive and kicking, wot wot!" The hedgehog had two long leaves attached to his headspikes, giving him 'ears'. He held a long pikeshaft, although it was a tad too long for him, and ended up hitting Garhx and Finn in the shins.

"Owch! Hey, you cheaters! We weren't ready!" Finn growled in a protesting voice, hopping on one paw and clutching the other.

"Owowow, that smarts!" Garhx was hopping up and down as well.

"Nice job, Gurrytum! Let's have a victory feast in your honor!" 'Silverstripe' said to his loyal second in command.

"Why that'd be absoflippinluty spectacular, sah!" 'Gurrytum' responded in a convincing enough hare accent.

"What is the meaning of this rumpus?" The four turned to see Normality slithering in, a small crowd of Sues and Stus right behind him.

"Er, hello, Normality," Finn replied. He didn't like the way the otter Sues were eyeing him. "We were just leaving. Let's get outta here, mates."

"Not so fast, you nimrods," The snake blocked their escape path, glaring at them furiously. "I don't know how you got in here, but I want you lot to NEVER mention this place to ANYONE, are we clear?!"

The four culprits nodded and murmured their apologies to the snake.

"Good. Now, as for your punishment, you four are to clean the Dining Hall after diner tonight. I want it spotless by morning, got it?"

"Yes, sir, Normality, sir!" They barked back.

"Good. Oh, and bring a few extra clothes. I hear they're serving lots and lots of pudding and turnovers tonight." The snake grinned at the four male's dismay.

As the four headed for the exit, Finn held Garhx in front of him, using him as a shield. The Sues recoiled as he blew kisses and waggled his eyebrows at them. Behind Finn followed Sash and Rolag, both looking equally nervous about all the attention they were getting.

-

"Well, I say we got off pretty light, don't you?" Rolag yelled over the din. They were in the Dining Hall, watching Finn throw various turnovers at the Sue side of the room. "Finn, why are you increasing the amount of work we'll be having tonight?"

"Well, if we have to clean it up, might as well have some fun while makin' the mess!" He replied cheerfully, tackling a passing mole in an attempt at getting his leek and mushroom turnover.

Sash munched pensively on a stolen pastry. "Y'know," he said, spewing crumbs everywhere. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say that Finn's crazy."

"Who sez he isn't?" Garhx replied, punching another shrew to get at his pudding. "They say he still remembers what he was really like before he was a Stu, but he never talks about it to anybeast."

"So?"

"SO? That's incredibly rare because Sues wipe their victim's memories completely, leaving no trace of their old life whatsoever!" Garhx growled, swatting another shrew for stealing his turnover.

"Make way, you layabouts!" A female voice cut through the din. A young mouse maid and a vole were wading through the mess of squashed pastries and bodies in an attempt to find a seat. Needless to say, they weren't having much luck. Finn waved a paw at her, pointing at two recently vacated seats. As the pair settled down, the mouse nodded at Finn. "Thanks much, friend."

"Don't mention it. The name's Finn. What about you?"

"I'm Media and this is my partner, Trawl. We're Sue Slayers!" The mouse responded.

"Sue Slayers? I always wanted to be one of those, but a few things got in the way of that." Finn remarked airily.

"Like what?" Trawl asked.

"Like, say, my inability to behave and take orders? Oh, hey, someone's gone and stolen your food." Finn pointed out.

The vole looked down at his plate, dismayed. "Hey, I'm supposed to be the thief over here!" He grumbled.

"Oh, cheer up, mate," Finn chuckled. "That's the rule in this place: If your food is stolen, steal some right back!"

"What's with this guy?" Media leaned over to Sash.

"Oh, don't mind him. He's just a little nuts." The otter replied.

-

As dinner drew to a close and everyone crowded out, Finn trudged to a door on the Sue side of the room Sash hadn't noticed before, and he pulled out a few buckets and mops, along with a few scrub brushes and bars of soap. "Alright, you lot, grab a weapon, and we can start cleaning." He said, tossing Sash a mop and a bucket.

"Finn gets this punishment almost all the time," Rolag explained. "So he knows how to finish the job without breakin' a sweat. Just you watch."

Finn had already begun mopping at a furious pace, yet never looked like he was doing any work. On the contrary, his graceful pawsteps made it look like he was dancing with the mop without looking completely stupid. Sash stared, slightly surprised at his friend, as he mopped around them to some unheard music.

"Yep, that's our Finn!" Garhx chortled. "He turns manual labor into an art, and never once complains! We were on clean up duty a few seasons back, and he didn't even notice he was scrubbing our portion of the floor! We were done long before dawn that time, right Rolag?"

"Oh yeah, I remember that! It's like he goes into a trance or something. We haven't been able to figure it out yet, but we figure he just does it because he wants to."

"Well, tweak moi snout, if it isn't you lot again!" An elderly female voice cut across the Hall.

"Granny Burra!" Garhx and Rolag spun to see an elderly female mole making her way to them, holding a lantern. Her gingham apron, which set off her dark fur, looked clean and newly washed. Her small crystal glasses glinted in the faint light.

"Lackaday, you bee crushing oi!" she squeaked, as the two ran over to give her a hug. Her language seemed to be a strange mix of normal words and Molespeak. "What did you do now, moi cheeky liddle snips?"

"We were playing the Armory again, Granny." Rolag admitted quietly.

"Again? Oi though Normality said he'd etchew if he caught you in there again!" She glanced over at Finn, who was still mopping the floor. "Is Finn in one of his trances again?"

"'Fraid so, Granny. But he'll be done soon 'nuff, I 'spect." Garhx replied, grinning.

" 'Ang on naow, who's this nice young otter oi don't know?" She asked, nodding at Sash.

"Oh, that's Sash, Granny. Sash, this is Granny Burra. We met her on our first time on Clean up Duty. She says we remind her of her babes, who're all grown up now." Rolag said.

"Pleasure to meet you, marm." Sash said, shaking her outstretched paw.

"Pleasure's all moin, choild." She replied.

"Hey, what's everyone doing over there?" Finn strode up to the group, mop over his shoulder. "Oh no, I went into one of my trances again, didn't I?"

"You most certainly did," Garhx replied, nodding "But that means that Granny can make us some of her 'Wake Up, Sleepysnout' tea and cookies, right, Granny?"

"Yeah, Granny, please?" Rolag added.

There was a great amount of whining from the four before the mole chuckled and replied in a voice of mock irritation, "Burhurhur! All right, you rouges, but I'm not setting moi best teapot out fer yew!"

-

The four sat at a small table off to the side, where the elderly mole brought them their snacks. "Thank you, Granny Burra!" They all chimed like small babes.

"Does moi ole heart gudd to see polite young'ns like yerselves bein' respectful to yon elders…She chuckled. "Gudd noight, and clean up after yerselves when yer done!"

"Good night, Granny! Sweet dreams!" They called at her retreating form.

As they each snagged a cookie and grabbed a mug filled with the fragrant tea, Rolag smacked the back of Garhx's head.

"Ow! What was that for?" The shrew snarled. Rolag didn't respond, but pointed at his own pinky claw, which was sticking out.

"Yes, Garhx, how uncivilized are you?" Finn asked in his best 'Oh-look-I'm-the-Sue-Queen' voice. "Have you no manners? It's no wonder the Sues don't like you…or maybe it's because you remind them of a fuzzy, scruffy troll." The shrew scowled as his friends hooted with laughter.

"Mmmm, this is really good!" Sash commented, having just taken a sip of the drink.

"Yep, that's Granny Burra's super secret tea fer ya!" Finn replied, grinning.

"Speakin' of secrets, Sash was wondering about your past, Finn." Garhx commented airily, as though discussing the weather.

"Yeah, I'm sure we all want to know about it." Rolag added, sipping the drink.

Sash took a large gulp of tea, and sighed. "You lot are that curious about my past? Alright then, I'll tell you my story, but it ain't gonna be some Stu sob story, so don't fret about that…"Taking another long drink from his mug, he continued, "well, what is there to say? I wasn't born a Stu. Hah, I'd toss myself into the ocean before I'd be born a perfect freak. Anyway, I was born on a place called Green Isle, home to a bunch of otter clans. I had a great childhood there, but I soon grew restless on that little island. I wanted to see what was just beyond the horizon, not spend the rest of my life on a speck in the middle of the ocean.

"My chance came when a vermin raiding ship docked in the bay. We managed to kill them all before they found out what hit them," He smiled at this old memory. "That's when my da and I began fixin' up that old ship. When it was done, some otters from the other clans wanted to go too. The High Rhulain Doruka said it was alright, so long as they left enough warriors to guard the island. We brought some along, and we had a grand old adventure, sailin' the seas, explorin' new places and meetin' all sorts of odd creatures. Have you ever heard of a mongoose? They look like big, bulky weasels, and talk about fast! Anyway, after a while, we made land in Mossflower, right next to Salamandastrom, in fact. Mind you, this was long before any Sues had taken it over. The Badgerlord at the time was some chap who went by…umm…Gorath the Flame, or something like that. Anyway, I wanted to stay in Mossflower until I died, and I told my ole da so. He said ok, but my old mum wasn't going to be happy about it. After staying a few more seasons, they finally sailed off, bound back home."

"I spent a season and a half at the mountain before my wanderer's instinct took over again. I left a few days afterwards, taking nothing but a haversack filled with food and a stout short sword that the Badgerlord had given to me as a gift. That was when I encountered the Sue patrol. They were all so pretty, and before I knew it, I was one of those monsters, except for one thing. I still sort of knew who I was. The next few seasons were torture. I had to act perfect around them, or they'd kick me out! At the time, I was prone to wandering off on my own, trying to figure out how to change back to my original form. Eventually, I crossed paths with Normality, and the rest was history, mates…"

He sighed. "Phew! Three paragraphs worth of backstory. Man, I never realized how long it was."

"What are you talking about, Finn?" Sash asked, as Garhx and Rolag gave him looks.

"Oh, it's nothing."

-

**((At this point, the author would like to say that, again, the Sues will have flaws in their dialogue, as much as she hates putting them there.))**

Meanwhile, at Salamandastrom, dawn was breaking on the horizon. The mountain's surface was now studded with enormous crystals, each a different color of the spectrum. They glittered in the early morning light.

At the very top of the mountain stood King Jiyar, his twin brother Apollo, and Queen Yvanna.

King Jiyar was decked out in his finest robe, which was made of green silk and silver trim. It billowed in the sea breeze, revealing a snakeskin belt around his trim waist. Attached to the belt was a sheath that housed a magnificent sword made of pure silver and its hilt was studded with jet stones and emeralds. Despite his golden fur, he seemed to embody the essence of night itself.

His brother, Lord Apollo, was his opposite, his robe the same color as his fur with crimson trim. He leaned on his sword, which was gold in color and studded with rubies. His ruby red eyes glimmered in the light, as he watched the sea intently. Unlike his brother, he seemed to represent day and the sun.

His mate had been 'Turned', a term used by Sues when a Sue was stripped of its Aura, a few seasons ago, and had disappeared, never to be seen again. The poor ermine had looked for her everywhere, but it was a fool's errand. She was gone forever.

While King Jiyar represented night, Queen Yvanna represented the moon, her fur now a beautiful silver color and her eyes twin orbs of crystal blue. She wore a gown that could have been made of spider silk, for it was a lovely white that radiated with the power of the moon. Upon her brow, she wore a silver coronet, studded with the largest diamonds you'd find anywhere. Its intricate design matched her armor and the patterns upon her gown.

"So, brother. Jiyar said after that somewhat long description. "what say we get some breakfast? I'm sure it's been months since you last ate."

"Splendid idea, brother." Apollo replied grinning. "Actually, it's been YEARS since my last meal."

"Really now!" Yvanna exclaimed. "Youmust tell me your secret to staying so young looking!"

"Sorry, luv, it's a family secret! Right Jiyar?"

"Right, brother. Now, let's go get some food."

-

The Dining Hall, formerly known as the Mess Hall, was now fancy enough to be a five star restaurant. Long silk banners depicting epic deeds of legendary Sues and Stus hung on the walls, and incense was being burned in pots all around the room. The long table that once accomadated several scores of hungry Long Patrol hares were gone. In their place were separate tables, each one with a silken tablecloth. Rather than seats, there were silk cushins around the various tables. At the head of the room was a hand carved oak table that had belonged to the old Badgerlord. Now it was where the High Sue Counsil had their meals.

As the three ermine sat down in the high backed oak chairs, plates of food floated down before the Sues. These foods were special, for like gods and goddesses, Sues had to maintain a complex diet to keep their youth and everlasting Aura. Fortunatly for them, all they needed to do was touch regular food for it to become the kind they needed to keep their Sueness.

"So, darling." Yvanna purred to her mate. "How do we crush that serpent once and for all, hmm?"

"It's simple, really." Jiyar repled, taking a sip from his golden goblet, which contained a necter like substance. "All we need are enough Sues to overtake their forces and they'll surrender to us most readily."

"Sorry to throw a wrench in this plan, but I'm afraid it's not exactly that simple." Apollo interrupted his brother. "You see, I've sent a few scouts to follow your friend around, and he's developing Anti-Sue weaponry. Not only that, it would seem he feeds off of the Golden Aura every Sue emits."

"Then what are we to do?!" Jiyar asked, clearly surprised by the news. He looked over at his mate, who seemed to be grinning at something. "Dearest Queen, I don't see what's so funny about this situashun."

"It's all so clear now!" She laughed. "All we need is to distract the snake long enough to take out his forcs!

"But how do we do that?" Apollo asked.

"Leave that to me. I'll make sure that snake's plenty occupied when we attack. When it comes to seduction, I'm the best in the business."

The two Stus couldn't help but agree.

After all, it was well known by his ubderlings that Lord Apollo wanted Queen Yvanna to be his mate.

-

Later that afternoon, the Sue Queen sat in her alchemy lab, ready to begin creating the weapon that would take down that pest Normality.

A knock came from her chamber door. Opening it, a slender female weasel decked out in battle gear stepped into the room. It's fur was a rusty auburn flecked with black and its eyes were a pale gold. "You wanted to see me, Mi'lady?" She asked

"Yes, Venna, my old friend, I need you now more than ever." Bringing the Sue inside, she led her to the large pool in the center of the room. "Venna, I need you to take on a new form for me. It will change you drastically, but it will be reversible. Can you do this for me?"

"Anything for you, Mi'lady." The Sue answered obediently.

"Good, now get in there!" The Queen shoved the weael into the pool with a loud splash.

As soon as the Sue was under the liquid, the Queen began chanting in a high, keening tone in an ancient Sue language. She contuned to do so until a bright burst of light came from the pool.

Kneeling down beside the pool, she looked into its now crystal clear depths. "Venna, arise and go. Hunter of the Fang, I command you to arise!"

From the depths of the pool, two glowing red eyes stared back at the Queen.

With a faint dripping sound, a female serpent arose from the water. Its scales were an inky black, and her eyes were blood red, and yet it possessed a certain grace that was unexplainable.

"Now go. Do not fail me." The Queen hissed.

-

**Oh noes. The Sues have a serpent too? This cannot end well for Normality. Will our favorite snake resist the Suesnake's charms, or is he doomed to be in love with her for eternity? Find out next time!**


	8. Returning Party and Snake Sue Sendoff

**After a break and many days spent banging my head against several proverbial walls, I have returned, inspired and ready to write!**

**Anyway, we had some Sash and Pals last chapter, and the Sues revealed their secret weapon. Now what'll happen? Well, Syrenia's group is in for a nasty surprise when they get back to Redwall, and Venna will meet Normality. Who's going to save him?!**

**Also, since the beginning of this story in Redwall, there may be some errors, ok? (It's a disclaimer type thing I just have to say.)**

**-**

Syrenia looked up at the lovely pink walls that she had left so long ago. Redwall hadn't changed a bit since she'd left. It still smelled like fresh flowers mixed with a springtime breeze.

She was home.

Dakus stood at the head of the crowd, grinning as he knocked on the gates. "Lady Rosalinia!" He called. "I've returned with several recruits!"

"Ah, Dakus! My dearest friend, I was getting worried about you!" The vixen poked her head over the ramparts, smiling at her old friend. They had met a long time ago when they had been common beasts. They had found a wounded Sue in a forest in the North, and had taken it back to their leader, Jaskura Firefox, who was also Rosalinia's brother. The entire horde had been captivated by this strange female, and had willingly become Sues and Stus. Said group had trooped to Redwall, where they conqured the famous abbey.

"Yes, Rosie, it's me!" Rosie was the nickname that Dakus had given her when they had been nothing more than small babes. "May we come in?"

"Of course, dear friend!" She called, and the gates opened automatically. "By the way, do you like the new Gate Opener that Dirge installed?"

"My, it's certainly impressive!" Dakus replied, leading the group insid.

-

Normality was ready to bang his head against the wall. He'd called a Council of War in his quarters, and already he was starting to regret that idea.

The council consisted of some of the veteran Sue Slayers that lived in the Base, but unfortunately, they all had different opinions on how to tackle this Sue situation.

"I sez we just barg in wit our weapons ready ta stab the lot of those freaks!" A grizzled old rat with a hook for a paw growled, banging said hook on the table they were all seated at.

"That strategy'll get us all killed or worse!" Snarled a younger otter female. "We should tunnel under the walls and catch 'em by surprise!"

"What are you, a mole?!" A nearby squirrel sneered. "Besides, those Sues probably have super sensitive hearing! Chances are, they'll hear us coming from leagues away before we can even get there! I say we contact some of our feathered friends and ask them to help us!"

"That, sah, is the biggest load of dung I've ever heard!" A hare replied.

As the banter continued, Cliché, who stood beside Normality, looked over at her partner. "I didn't know you had so many Sue Slayers in this place." She said.

"Neither did I," Normality replied in an exasperated voice. "They all showed up out of the blue."

The skunk's ears twitched slightly. Quietly, she strode over to the door and opened it. Finn, Sash, Rolag and Garhx tumbled inside. "Can I help you lot?" she asked testily.

"Er, we we're just leaving, right guys?" Garhx replied sheepishly.

Finn stood up and dusted himself off. Looking at the still squabbling council, he said in a voice that drowned out the crowd's, "If you ask me, I say we just do all of the plans mentioned above!"

Everybeast's eyes turned to Finn.

Sash blinked. "There! You did it again! What the hell do you mean, 'plans mentioned above', huh?"

Finn glanced back at him. "I have no idea what you're talking about, mate."

"Y'know," the old rat began, rubbing his chin with his hookpaw, "That otter's got a point." There were murmurs of agreement amongst the council.

"So it's settled then!" Normality said before anyone else could begin a new argument. "We're doing all of the plans mentioned above! Now, I want all of you out of my room! You heard me! OUT! OUT! OUUUUUUT!"

Everybeast found themselves in a pile outside of the chamber a few moments later.

"Dang," Rolag, who was squashed between Finn and a random stoat, said. "For somebeast without legs, he kicked us out of his room pretty fast…oh dear, I think I've impaled a stoat."

-

"GRARGH. I hate them all so much right now."

Normality had slithered up a secret exit he'd installed in his room. Now, as he sat on the edge of the waterfall pool, he felt he was going to have an angst episode…or, like in most cases, a fury episode.

Suddenly, the undergrowth rustled behind him. Normality whipped around to see another snake making its way through the foliage. The first thing Normality noticed was that it was female and ABSOLUTLY GORGOUS. Her scales were a lovely inky black and her eyes shown like twin rubies.

"Why it's you!" She whispered, her voice sounding like a faint summer breeze. "My dear, it's been so long! I've searched for you everywhere, and now I've found you!"

Normality was able to get back to his senses long enough to ask, "Who in the name of badly scripted spoof series and poorly drawn cartoons are you?"

Simpering, she replied, "Darling, don't pretend you don't remember your mate, Venna Jaggedfang."

All Normality could say was a very obnoxious "WHHHAAAAAAATTT?!1?"

"Yes, I am your mate!" The female snake persisted. "We were separated by those blasted woodlanders when we had had our first clutch of eggs! Many of our babes were killed when those nasty furry creatures attacked our home! You'd told me to get away while I still could and you'd hold them off while I made my escape!"

"Why are you yelling?" Normality asked after noticing all of the exclamation points in the stranger's dialogue.

"Do you mind?" The female asked angrily. "I'm trying to tell my story here!"

"Geez, fine! Tell your bloody story, see if I care!" The male snake growled.

"Thank you! Now, where was I?" The Sue tried to begin again, but was interrupted yet again.

"AHA! There you are, Normality, you idiot!" Cliché had appeared out of nowhere, Media and Trawl right behind her. "I leave you along for two bloody seconds, and you become a SUE magnet!"

The poor, copper snake was too confused to give a coherent reply. Whatever was coming out of his mouth was nothing but gibberish…

"Hey! Don't yell at him, he's my mate!" Venna snarled, getting between her 'mate' and the irate skunk. "We're in love, isn't that right, darling?" The female snake glanced back at her so-called 'mate', who was still trying to make sense out of this whole situation. Media and Trawl exchanged glances before bursting out in loud laughter.

"Oh heeeeeecks no," Cliché growled, scimitar at the ready. "Listen, you damn Sue, I don't know what sort of insane delusion you're having, but Normality isn't your mate!" Her bushy tail bristled with fury.

The Sue merely laughed at her anger, still oblivious to the impending doom that filled the air. "Oh please! Normality, please tell this strange creature that I'm your mate."

Normality didn't say a word, but sat there, looking bewildered and stupid.

"Now look what you've done!" Venna hissed, turning on the skunk. "You've gone and frightened him! Don't you worry, darling, I'll take care of this creature! Then we can have a nice family of snakebabes!"

"Ok, that's just gross, don't you agree, Trawl?" Media asked her partner, who agreed by making a face.

"How dare you! Don't you DARE poke fun at our love!" The snake snarled, her scales rippling in irritation. "You two are first!"

The two novice Sue Slayers were barely able to dodge the snake in time. Media landed in the water next to the bank of the pool, and Trawl landed in the undergrowth next to the path.

"Hey!" Cliché snarled. "Pick on someone your own skill level, ya bully! Or are you too scared I'll gut ye if ye so much as look at me?"

The black snake immediately turned on the skunk, and then froze. It would seem that the skunk's aura was composed of a disgusting odor, and it had paralyzed the Sue. Smiling, Cliché took this opportunity to get closer to the snake, making it recoil in terror.

"My nose!" the snake cried. "It's on fire, and not in a good way!" The snake slithered away at a breakneck speed, completely forgetting about Normality.

"You ok, man?" She asked, striding towards her friend.

"I've been better…Where the hell did that Sue come from, anyway?" The snake asked weakly.

"I figure that this is the Head Sue's doing. Only she'd stoop to something as low as seducing you with some lower level Sue…" Cliché growled, and looked over at Trawl and Media. "How about you two? You lot ok?"

"I'm ok…Ow, there're leaves in places I didn't even know I had…" Trawl groaned.

"At least you aren't wet!" Media snarled, emerging from the pool as a wet mess. Her tunic dripped as she stomped to her partner, who was trying to free himself of the entangling undergrowth.

"Huh. Don't they remind you of another pair of Sueslayers, Normality?" Cliché asked, smirking at Media's attempts to pull her partner out of some vines.

"Yeah, I remember when you were pulling me out of bushes and saving me from drowning…Good times, old friend…" The snake replied. "By the way, can I ask you something? When that Sue called me her mate, well, I've never seen you so miffed in my life. Any particular reason why?"

"Yeah, well, you'd do the same for me if they were to be, say, a skunk Stu, right? Besides, all Sues are delusional freakjobs who still think 'Happily Ever After' only belongs to them. It's our job to smack some sense into them, remember?" Cliché replied.

"Oh, alright then…" Normality huffed, and then craned his neck/body to look over the undergrowth the Sue had disappeared into. "I wonder where she went."

"Judging by the direction, I'd say Redwall."

-

Syrenia was at peace.

She was beautiful again, back at Redwall, and getting the attention of several otter Stus. Things had worked out so well for her…Yet she couldn't help but think of her brother, back at the Base, with his dorky friends. Was he ok? She was so deep in thought, she didn't even notice someone come up behind her.

"Something wrong, Syrenia?" Dakus tapped her shoulder.

"Just think about my brother, that's all." Syrenia sighed.

"Oh, is he dead?" Rosalinia had overheard them talking, and was now heading in their direction.

"Um, pardon me?" Syrenia asked.

"Your brother, Syrenia. Is he dead? More importantly, did he die trying to save your life?" Rosalinia inquired.

"Um…" Syrenia mumbled. "I'd…I'd rather not talk about it, if you don't mind…Bad memories…"

The silver fox shrugged. "Suit yourself."

"Snake at the gates!" A sentry cried, causing everybeast to look up and stop whatever they were doing.

"What the hell?" Rosalinia yelled, sounding completely out of character.

"I know!" Dakus replied, astounded. "I didn't know we needed sentries!"

"We must see this!" The group dashed to the walltops and peered ober the edge.

The snake writhered in front of the gates, sobbing and thrashing around furiously. "Ahoy snake!" The otter sentry called. "What seems to be the problem?"

"M-my mate!" The serpent wailed. "He's been brainwashed by those Sueslayers!"

A collective gasp came from the crowd at the same time. Syrenia was, of course, faking that part.

"T-that's not all! He's convinced that he's their leader and he set his champion on me! BOO-HOO-HOO!"

"Wait, what champion?" Rosalinia asked.

"It's a black furred creature with a white stripe going down its back. It never mentioned its name, but the stink around it was AWFUL!"

"Let that snake in! Hurry now, you lot!" Rosalinia yelled, but the gates were already opening on their own. Meanwhile, the vixen dashed back to the main building.

This was something to bring to her Lady's attention.

-

"So, let me get this straight…" The Queen Sue said, her face on the TV monitor. "My Sue assassin has failed me, and there's talk of a strange Anti-Sue champion with black ans white fur?"

"Yes, my Lady." Replied Rosalinia, bowing.

"Hmmmm…Very well. It would seem my mate and I will need to take care of this matter ourselves."

"Ma'rm?"

"Prepare your finest Sues ans Stus, Rosalinia. We will be there in a few days." The screen went black.

Rosalinia couldn't belivev it.

The King Stu and Queen Sue were taking a trip to Redwall.

-

Yvanna was worried.

No Sue assassin had ever failed her before. NEVER. Only a very talented Sue Slayer could take down her most elite warrior…

"No…It can't be…" She muttered. "I though I eliminated her…But it would seem I didn't do a very good job…"

Striding to a cabinet, she opened it and took out a quiver full of sparkling arrows and a bow. The tips of the arrows were made with one hundred percent pure Sue Ore and gilded with rare Sue metals for strength. Any creature hit with these arrows would be Sue-ified in a matter of moments.

She was saving them for that skunk.

-

**Well, dang. Looks like an all out war is on the horizon here.**

**Also, thanks to Insane Rice of the Cosmos for doing fan art of Normality! –hugs- It's on her Dev page. There should be a link on her page.**


End file.
